as much as i hate to break out the "emotional rollercoaster" cliché, i'm afraid no other metaphor will describe my past two weeks, which have absolutely exhausted me.
on top of that, my confidence in my abilities as an editor have been shaken to the core. it'll take me a while to get back to the point where i'm not second-guessing absolutely everything i do.
last week was supposed to be totally awesome. my company had posted a permanent position for assistant editor, and--predictably--i applied for it. my sweetie was convinced it was a position the firm made just for me to keep me around, but i didn't want to be too optimistic and set myself up for disappointment.
i'd also gotten my master of publishing approved by two of my committee members. all i had to do was get the third--my industry supervisor--to read and approve it. it was nerve-wracking enough prodding her to do it when she already had her plate piled high; then she reads it and says she should run it by the publisher to make sure he's okay with what i say about him. this is what doomed last year's intern to academic purgatory: she'd finished her report, and the boss didn't like what she wrote about him and he refused to let her get her degree.
it was down to the wire, but my industry superviros finally agreed to sign my approval form, and i was all ready to collect my second master's degree.
i schlep all the way up the moutain to burnaby, drop off my thesis, then come back into town to find a message in my e-mail with the subject line "project report mistake" from my advisor.
fuck.
turns out i'd incorrectly identified one of my committee members as an assitant professor (which was what he was listed as on the fucking program website) when he was actually an instructor. for that i had to get new forms signed--this coming just a couple of hours before my industry supervisor was leaving for a week in london, to return five days after the deadline for thesis submission.
retarded, no? also, my advisor told me it was a good thing i was submitting this year and not last year, 'cause last year they would have insisted that all of the signatures be in black ink. WTF? doesn't blue ink make it easier to identify an original?
anyway, friday was supposed to be awesome, and it completely fizzled.
i had my interview for the position at the firm on thursday, and it did not go so well. in fact, they had to pull me into a follow up on friday asking me if i really wanted the job, 'cause apparently i didn't give them the impression that i did. one of the editors is still sort of being weird about it. they said i had to work on little knit-picky things like serial commas. and that's one of the things i thought i was actually good at.
and the managing editor said she wasn't going to get back to me about the job until maybe the 22nd.
it got worse when the production manager came over and pointed out that i'd fucked up the price of a book in cover copy that i wrote--that it had gone to the printer that way. fortunately, one of the other editors caught it before it went to press, but everything i do's pretty tentative right now, and that's when a person makes the most mistakes...
upside is, i got the job. i start january, but i have a three-month probationary period during which time i can get fired at any point without notice. i'm totally on eggshells at work right now, and it looks like i'll be until the end of march.
sigh. i only have three days of work next week, luckily, then i have a break. which i so need.
fortunately, there are some in the firm who are just so incredible and supportive. it buoys me that there are those who value my contributions, but it's the people who doubt me that get to me the most, especially when they're people i respect.
anyway, i should stop whining. i'm just ridiculously tired and facing an insurmountable mountain of work. i've got a job and i think i've got my master's degree, so it's all good, right?
