there is a big hole in my kitchen ceiling. but the installation is almost done. i have a functioning stove and dishwasher again, although there's so much debris and garbage in front of both appliances that i can't do much with either.

***

SM put it best on thursday: "do the rest of you feel like you've entered a state of perpetual panic that doesn't look like it'll abate until the end of term?"

it's true. i'm experiencing this continued jaw-clenching stress that is a bit too overwhelming to know what to do about -- one of those situations where you freeze and you can't accomplish anything, even though you know that'll just exacerbate everything in the end.

monday was fine; "i can handle this," i thought, as we went through the syllabi for the management and technology courses. when the outline for the magazine project was handed out on tuesday, the "how the fuck am i going to get this all done" set in, and when we had our first history class on thursday, i completely slipped into a deer-in-headlights mode.

i'm going back to edmonton for nash on wednesday. i can't help but panic that if i fall behind, i just won't ever get adequately caught up. i put together one of my presentations yesterday. the other, i'm being a little too flippant about, i think. i've convinced myself nobody's going to show up...

the courses all look like they'll be interesting; but they will be a lot of reading, a lot of writing, and a whole hell of a lot of baptism by fire.

our magazine project i'm apprehensive about. our groups have evidently been mixed since last term, and i'm afraid that i might not be able to get along with everyone quite as well as last term. i'm also concerned that we're all generally stressed out, and that the tension's pervading our meetings, putting us on edge much more than is reasonable. ultimately, i'm worried that the magazine we'll end up having to work on won't be something i'm passionate about and i'll just end up doing a mediocre job on it.

finally, i'm worried about my internship. only one place has gotten back to me, and we've been playing telephone tag for the past week.

*sigh* (frustration...)

~sigh~ (calming...)

one day at a time...one day at a time...